So as it turns out, I’m a crap blogger. Granted, this pregnancy has really slowed me down, and my insane work load while pregnant isn’t helping either. But seriously, I think about posting all the time and yet somehow seem incapable of finding the time to put words to screen and publish them. I have a running list of items I want to post about, and it just keeps getting longer.
Just an update, I am now sitting at 19 weeks and am being kicked with regularity. My sister thinks we have a future soccer player on our hands. In two days we find out if this future athlete will be on the men’s or women’s team, very exciting!
If you don’t have kids currently you may not be able to relate to this next statement. Having a baby changes everything. We don’t even “have” a baby yet and it is already complicating our norm. I’m now saddled with decisions that I’ve never had to think about before, at least not seriously. For instance, stay at home mom or working mom? One income or two – or one and a half? Who is going to help me, do I have enough support, do I have enough money, do I have enough patience? A fog of dread and the unknown is starting to settle on my subconscience and is stressing me out. Having a family is something that we’ve wanted for quite some time, but I don’t think we really knew what we were getting ourselves into. No regrets here, but there is definitely as sense that we need to brace ourselves for the unknown and for the chaos that is about to erupt in our lives. We’re only half way to d-day, we’re still just getting our feet wet, but this is how I feel.
I try to settle my thoughts with the realization that women and families have been doing this forever and I’m no pioneer, but it’s only reassuring in the sense that we will make it through somehow, but it doesn’t help me reach the “how” any faster or more clearly.
I got out of town for a day to visit a friend and her family. We spent a day on the beach relaxing and playing in the waves. It was nice for one day to let it all go and just live. But now I’m back and I have to go to work tomorrow, and I can’t help but wonder and lament the big question of “how much longer can I do this?” The truth is that I simply don’t know. I do know that I need to take one day at a time and try to keep my eye on the future, but my focus on the present.
More interesting topics to come soon. Well, as soon as possible.